Ramblings by Hal

Ramblings: But I’m a Woman!

By Hal Collier, Retired LAPD

A short recap: I arrested a man dressed as a woman, commonly call a drag
queen, in the mid 70’s. When I was booking him in the old Hollywood jail, a
men’s only facility, he stated, “I’m really a woman and if you strip search me
I’ll sue you and make a personnel complaint to your Watch Commander.”

Now, I only had about six years on the job but I was first sued with only two and a half weeks out of the academy. I remember telling my wife that I was being sued
for a million dollars and she said, “Hal, we don’t have that kind of money!”
Hell, I knew we didn’t have that kind of money—some nights I lived on free
coffee and a jelly donut. Just kidding. My point, being sued and a
personnel complaint didn’t scare me.  My Watch Commander(W/C) was a different
story. He was a climber and worried that a complaint against him might slow
his climb to the top; which by the way, he never made it anywhere close to!

After talking to my arrestee, the W/C decided that we should take him/her
downtown to jail division and have a city doctor determine where this
individual should be housed. This easy arrest is turning into a nightmare!

I drive downtown and get in line at the jail dispensary behind the drunks
and DUI’s (drunk drivers) waiting to see the doctor. They were all well
enough to get drunk but too sick to go to jail! After an hour, it’s my turn
and the doctor tells my arrestee to strip. My arrestee tells the doctor if
you touch me I’ll sue you and everyone on the LAPD. This doctor must have
been on the same promotion list as my Watch Commander. He says take him/her
to USCMC (LA County Hospital Jail Ward) and have the sheriff deputies check
for his/her gender.

I’m about ready to let my arrestee escape and accept the days off without
pay for losing a prisoner! The jail ward at USCMC was a place where
seriously injured arrestees were treated and housed. It was never an in and
out trip. I often spent hours waiting for a doctor to look at my arrestee.
I once completed the whole five-page arrest report and got in a short nap
waiting for the doctor to spend ten minutes with my arrestee. Get my point?
The doctors were not in any rush.

So we take our arrestee up to the 13th floor where the jail ward is located.
We walk into the lobby and a sleepy deputy asks me, “What have you got?”

“I need a sex check.”

The look on his face showed he was in no mood for humor. I spent
the next ten minutes explaining why this rather ugly woman needs to have a
sex check. The deputy’s mood did not change. “Have a seat.
I have heard that before.”

Surprisingly, the deputy calls my name in a short time.  Up walks the cutest LASD female deputy I have ever seen. She’s has blond hair, deep blue eyes and a she has a smile that will melt the heart of any man. For the fifth time I explain what I need. The deputy takes my ugly woman into a small room and returns in about seven minutes. She’s not smiling as she tells me, “Our woman is still a man and hasn’t had any surgery whatsoever.” She even told me that my arrestee wasn’t Jewish!

The only one smiling now is my ugly woman!

I thank the deputies and walk out of the lobby. As I’m getting in the
elevator I look back at the deputies and notice that female deputy is still
not smiling. It’s a quiet ride back to jail division to book my arrestee as
a man.

I was pissed and sat down to write an extra-long arrest report, documenting
the four-hour delay in booking this ugly man dressed as a woman. I requested
additional charges for delaying officers. He subjected my partner and I as
well as a doctor and a few deputies to hours of delay in a simple booking.
A few days later I received a notice from the District Attorney that my
arrest was dismissed due to time served and in the interest of justice.

What Justice! 


More Street Stories

Train Yourself: Surviving An Active Shooter

This video was forwarded to me by a friend (a cop) retired from LAPD. I think it is so worthwhile that I’m posting it on my blog. I cannot stress how much a role training plays in surviving any emergency. This is an excellent example of resources for civilians to school themselves in survival tactics.

However, the video is graphic. There is blood and shooting–after all, that’s what it’s about. Please view this several times to plant the seeds of survival in your brain. With any luck, you’ll never need it. But if you do, I’d like to think that you got your training here.–Thonie


Community: #LASD Produces Active Shooter Video to Increase the Odds for Survival

#LASD Produces Active Shooter Video to Increase the Odds for Survival
Active Shooters continue to terrorize and inflict death and destruction to many innocent victims throughout the nation. With our Tradition of Service in mind, the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department has produced a realistic video presentation on Active Shooters.

The primary purpose of the video presentation is to offer preparedness and awareness training to the public at large and hopefully save lives in the event of an Active Shooter incident. This nine minute video presentation, which has been in production for nearly two years, is one of the most ambitious projects the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department’s Video Production Unit (VPU) has ever produced. The video presentation features three vignettes inspired by true life events and introduces the viewer to concepts such as: cover and concealment, location awareness, and self-defense.

The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department, as well as other public safety agencies throughout the nation conducts Active Shooter Training on a constant basis; however, most of these attacks end before law enforcement officers arrive to stop the threat.

As a result of this planning and preparedness, police agencies and community partners have gleaned a recent reduction in violent crimes. Although, Active Shooter incidents continue to happen, these acts of terror and destruction are rare.

Unlike other videos that are seen on YouTube and other social media websites, the goal of this LASD video presentation is to illustrate very realistic portrayals of these rare, but violent attacks. LASD’s use of special effects and realistic scenarios draw the viewer’s attention to personally connect with the true life portrayals.

The video presentation is available on YouTube or click on the new link on the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department website:

The web pages will enable visitors to view the video presentation and will also include links to resources outside the LASD website where more information can be found to enhance individual planning and preparation for home, school, or at work.

Written by:

Sergeant Harry Drucker

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department

Video Production Unit (VPU)

Forwarded by:

Deputy Don Walker

Sergeant Pauline Panis

Sheriff’s Information Bureau – Film and Media Projects (FAMP)

Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department



Follow us at: Text and Emails, LASD HQ:—-hq-newsroom-shb-los-angeles-county-sheriff/
Twitter: @LASDHQ
Twitter: @LASDtalk
Twitter: @LASDvideos
Twitter: @LASDespanol
Facebook LASD HQ:
Instagram LASD Photos: Pinterest
LASD Photos :
YouTube LASD Videos:
Alert LA County: Telephone emergency mass notification system
SNAP LA County: Specific Needs Disaster Voluntary Registry

Text & Email, Register for LASD Nixle messages: To receive more detailed, up-to-date information via E-MAIL and/or TEXT directly from the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department (LASD), sign up for “Nixle” alerts at and register for “LASD – Headquarters Newsroom (SHB), Los Angeles County Sheriff” AND your local LASD station area. Or, to receive URGENT TEXT ALERTS ONLY, text your zip code to 888777. Standard text messaging rates may apply depending on your calling plan.

“If You See Something, Say Something”
LA Crime Stoppers: Partner to prevent or report crime by contacting your local Sheriff’s station. Or if you wish to remain Anonymous, call “LA Crime Stoppers” by dialing 800-222-TIPS (8477), texting the letters TIPLA plus your tip to CRIMES (274637), or using the website

Jim McDonnell, Sheriff
Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department

For full details, view this message on the web.

%d bloggers like this: