Ramblings, More Fun at LAPD

By Hal Collier

Retired LAPD

Ok, some more fun from the Los Angeles Police Department, once called the finest police department in the world. That’s is until the politicians and the media changed the public’s perception. 

We are still the best but after a few years of criticism and politicians dictating how police work should be done, a lot of officers saw the only way for career survival was to do little and avoid confrontations. Ok, I’m going to carefully back down off my soap box and get back to fun.

I never worked Detectives but some of the best practical jokes ever played occurred in the detective room at Hollywood Station. Remember the detective’s desk drawer lined with a plastic bag and filled with water? Detectives always seem to have spare time. 

I think just about every Homicide Detective had a can of shaving cream close by. No, not to take care of that 5 o’clock shadow! 

A detective would load up the earpiece of a detective’s desk phone with shaving cream and then summon the target detective to pick up line two. According to plan the detective would pick up the phone and hold it up to his ear and immediately get a 1/4 ounce of shaving cream packed into his ear. The entire squad room would laugh and the detective would spend the next thirty minutes in the bathroom removing shaving cream from his ear.

One day, detective John set up a partner who had been riding him for wearing the same C&R suit for a week. The detective John loaded up the target detective’s phone with shaving cream. John was distracted by the target detective who maneuvered him to his desk. Another detective informed the detective John to pick up line two. That’s right John picked up the phone on the target detectives desk and caught himself in his own joke. He had shaving cream in his ear and on his C&R suit. Funny.

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Another favorite was to tell a detective you have a message to call Detective Meoff at headquarters. Here’s his name and phone number. The detective would dial the number and ask for Detective Meoff.

Who?

Detective Meoff! 

I was told to call this number and ask for Detective Jack Meoff!!!!  Jack me off; get it? 

Ok, a little juvenile but that’s your tax dollars at work.

–Hal