Roll Call: The Female Chippie and the DUI

By Mikey, Retired LAPD

The year is 1983 and I am working as a PT (Physical Training)/Self-Defense instructor at the LAPD academy, then located in Elysian Park. At that time, recruits had 16 weeks to prepare for their self-defense test which was administered in the 17^th week. If the recruit did not pass the test, they were not allowed to go with the rest of their class on a month’s patrol assignment. Those who failed the first time were given additional remediation and three weeks later were tested again. During the 14^th-16^th week, the PT/ Self-Defense staff offered after hours review practice prior to the 17^th week’s testing.

On average my day as an instructor during this time ended at about 1900 (7 P.M).  During the summer, there would still be daylight for the drive home. My wife had business in down town LA so she offered to drop me off in the morning and pick me up that evening. When we finished training at about 1845, my wife was there so off we went. She was driving, east bound on the I-10, San Bernardino freeway in Rosemead approaching Rosemead Boulevard when I observed a CHP unit stopped behind a car and a CHP officer struggling with an individual. I yelled at my wife to pull over and just like a copper’s wife did a heck of a job of pulling to the shoulder.

We were in front of the CHP unit so I had to run back to where the two were standing.

So, the Chippie is a female. Couldn’t tell from the freeway because she had really short hair. The male arrestee—he’s hand-cuffed—was pretty drunk but not “falling down drunk.”

I ID’d myself and asked how I could be of help. She asked me if I speak Spanish and I tell her that I do. She told me the (DUI) guy does not want to get into her cruiser and asked that I find out why. No problem.

So, in Spanish he tells me, “Sir, I’ll go with her but I have to pee really bad and I don’t want to do it in her car.”

I told her and she said, “I’m taking him to Temple City substation (LA Sheriff’s) for booking. Tell him to hold it and I’ll get him there as fast as I can.” Remember sports fans, she still has to wait for the tow to arrive to hook up the arrestee’s ride.

I told him and he said, “Sir, I really gotta pee!”

So, who will win the standoff?

I told her to take the handcuffs off, “because I am here and we can handle him.”

She said, “No.”

She then looked down at his groin area, then at me then back down. With her right hand, she pulled the man’s zipper down, took a long look, at me, then at him, then back down and said, “I’m not pulling it out!”

What was she thinking!!??

“Remove the handcuffs, partner,” I told her. “I’m here and I think we can take this guy if he acts up.”

She finally relented and removed the handcuffs.

He whipped it out and the whole time he peed he was shaking his and saying, “Gracias, señor. Oh, gracias señor,”

English translation, “thank your sir.”

Dude peed for a long time. He stopped just as the tow truck arrived.

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